Mustache Madness Syndrome
by immortalGoldfish
Summary: She HATED it. That stupid worm growing on his lip. and she would do ANYTHING to get rid of it, even if it drove her insane. Roy x Riza x mustache oneshot


General Roy Mustang placed the phone back on the hook, and glanced at his paper work with discontentment. So much to do… How easy it was for him to slack off. Unfortunately the one person, who kept him from doing that, was sitting at her desk across the room, glaring at him. He swallowed the lump in his throat, and smiled at her. Her cold expression stuck, glaring into his black eyes, which not long ago, had been completely sightless. He would still be blind if not For Doctor Tim Marcoh.

"What is it Lutenent?" He asked his fiancé, already knowing the answer.

"That thing on your face" She growled. "Shave it"

Roy rolled his eyes, and thoughtlessly pulled a paper from the stack on his desk, and glanced it over. "I'm not taking orders from you"

"That wasn't an Order," she said, her growl deepening "it was a threat"

Roy raised and Eyebrow, and glance up at the Lutenant. " And what would be the consequence."

"You shave that thing off…" she said thoughtfully, "or I'll cut my hair." She had him now. It was Roy who suggested that she grow it out in the first place, and she knew he was quite fond of it.

" You wouldn't" he stammered, then added quickly, "either way I'm _NOT_ shaving it"

"Then I wont give up," she said casually. The malicious tone in her voice sent chills down the general's spine.

* * *

><p>She had done the deed. Her hair was once again short. Roy was stubborn though, and still refused to shave. Riza was tricky, that, she established and Roy comprehended. Several weeks passed since she cut her hair, and even longer since Roy had committed his personal crime. Roy came home late that night, stressed, and tired from work. Hoping to seek love from his soon to be wife. The latter had a deceiving plan up her sleeve, and now was the time to carry her mission out. She pinned the man to the bed, and began to unbutton his shirt. She kissed him fiercely on the lips, and as she did, he began to pull off her shirt as well. She withdrew from him, and sat on the man's stomach. Cold steel pressed against his lip, as she smiled.<p>

"Shave it" she smiled, a certain madness taking over her well being.

"You're kidding right?" he replied flatly, then muttered under his breath, "Deceitful bitch"

"Do it!" she growled.

"FINE!" he shouted back. She rolled off of the General and he stood. He walked to the closet, and pulled out a cotton shirt, and slipped it over his head. "good night" he said. He walked to the sink, splashed water on his face, and walked back to the bed. Riza was already in her pajamas, curled snugly under the blankets.

"finally" Roy sighed and lay back on the bed. He grabbed the corner of the blanket and tugged it over his body, only for it to be pulled back and wrapped greedily around the Lutenant. He frowned and turned away from his fiancé. "now you're just being childish" he said scolding the woman like a father scolding their child. He received no response, and for that, he was relieved He closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.

* * *

><p>His eyes flew open, only to be surrounded by darkness. For a moment he began to panic that he had gone blind again, until he saw the figure hovering over him. He knew his situation was much more grim. He pawed the bed side table for his spark gloves only to find them soaked and dripping wet.<p>

_Damn Riza!_ He thought _She knows me far too well_ he pulled the matchbox out of his pocket, and for a moment, lit up the room to see that the figure was not a thief, but her, hovering over him, a razor in one hand, and a can of shaving cream in the other. The look in her eyes scared Roy Mustang even further. She was purely psychotic, which drove him to wonder if that was the look in his eye when he avenged Maes and killed Envy. Surely it was the same. She grinned like a hummunculi. Riza Hawkeye had gone mad. He lifted his hand to his face to find that it was already smeared with the foamy cream. He stood on the bed and backed away from the lutenant, begging for mercy, as if shaving would be the end of him. The woman pinned him against the wall, and began to scrape the facial hair away. He knocked the razor out of her hand, and ducked out of her grip. She groped for the blade on the floor as roy inched his way into the bathroom. He hook a chair under the door, and leaned against the far wall, and wiped the foam off of his face. The handle on the door began to rattle furiously as Riza cursed from behind the door. Eventually the rattleing stopped. Their was a moment of silence before chair slid out from under the door, and she swept into the room, a gun in her hand. She aimed her weapon at the general and smiled sweetly.

"you should shave honey" her voice was sickeningly sweet, forcing Roy's stomach to curl. Roy nodded, surrendering to her demands, and grabbed the razor from her hand.

_Some general I am if I cant hold my own against my own men._ He thought as he dragged the blade over his lip, the gun pressed to his head. _The enemy won this one. _He thought_ the Great General Roy Mustang has surrendered. _

Riza smiled contently, knowing that she had served Roy dutifully, and saved him from painful humiliation.

* * *

><p><em>Okay. yeah. my brain is proabably on crack. this one is based on brotherhood if you didnt catch on, when Letters through the gate or whatever i named it is from the original<em>


End file.
